all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
