you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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