living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
