Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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