Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
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