Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
