Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
