i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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