So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
