So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
