also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
