Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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