I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
