I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
