gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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