I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize