U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
