This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
