his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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