I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
