I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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