Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
