You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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