The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
