What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
