we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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