I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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