We won't sleep together?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
