I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
