if you like me you must not know who I am
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
