Jerry, you need to find god
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
