She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
