"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
