You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
