just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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