Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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