If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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