we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
