your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
