I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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