GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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