Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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