I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize