sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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