Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
