hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She announced her abortion via fbk
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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