He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
