I can tuck mytits in my pants
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
