The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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