I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
