dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
