Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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