and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
