If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
