Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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