Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
