I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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