textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
