it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
