I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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