Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
