We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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