You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
