We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
