ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
