i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
