you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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