Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
