So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
