I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
