just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
