Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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