Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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