Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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