so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
