i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So. Much. Porn.
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