I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
