So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
